i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
