That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
