Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
