Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
