Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
