The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
