my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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