Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
