I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
