I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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