First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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