U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
