Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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