Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When are your genitals available?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
