I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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