It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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