Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
