omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
