dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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