Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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