in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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