i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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