evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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