Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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