i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
