your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
