He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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