how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
