med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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