you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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