I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
