the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
