I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
