I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
