i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
