You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
