she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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