hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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