I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
