need another drink. this is the easiest way
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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