I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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