maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
