I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
