U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
