turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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