grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
