I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we're making bets on your personal life
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
