so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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