All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
