haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You ruined the universe
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
