Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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