i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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